As a college pastor, one of the main things that I deal with is relationships. I ran across this list of Biblcal ways to find a wife. So, let's end the debate about dating and courting. I want to be Biblical on the way that we encourage people to find a mate. Here are 15 suggestions!
THE TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
- Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses--Exodus 2:16-21)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10.
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites--Judges 21:19-25)
- Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
- Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27)
- Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain--Genesis 4:16-17)
- Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or Ahasuerus--Esther 2:3-4)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson--Judges 14:1-3)
- Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though).
(David--2 Samuel 11) - Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
- Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1 Kings 11:1-3)
- A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
5 comments:
Awesome!
WOW.
lol.
To mock scripture for comedic affect is dangerous, especially out of context. It promotes and encourages others to do the same. At least balance out contextual truth with the jokes, so the uninformed realizes you don't believe that making fun of God's word is acceptable, especially when you take it out of context. Not everyone gets all the sarcasm and jokes in the written sentence.
Dear 'Anonymous' - The post on Biblical dating was from mikeysfunnies.com - a daily email that I get (and the list has been floating around for years). I'm sorry that you did not understand the post. I must clarify since it doesn't seem as though you understand humor or sarcasm... please do not take any of the suggestions seriously (especially the foreskin idea... I think that would be culturally passe).
I want to clarify/correct your statement about context. I don't think that the verse citations were taken out of context. They are all ways that people have found a mate in the Bible. What you are talking about is an application issue - whether or not we should apply these ways of finding a mate in our context and culture today. I would agree with you that these are not good ways to find a mate (culturally), but they are Biblical.
I'm sorry that the humor was lost on you.
No no, anonymous is right. I think all these are wonderful solutions! I think I have already offered more than half of them to my hopeful future inlaws.
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